Happy Birthday month to me!
I feel like I’ve sort of left you all hanging for the month of August, and I apologize for that. It was not my intention to do so, but life sort of became a little interesting upon returning to the states after the DTS.
My return home led me right to a pool of emotions that I was not ready for, and living in denial the week before leaving Spain probably didn’t help any. In this pool, I believe I found sleepiness, happiness, sadness, joy, anger, confusion, love, and even the feeling of being lost and out of place. Instead of swimming in this pool, I found myself drowning friends.
Coming back from Spain, was the first time that I could remember ever experiencing jet lag, and I had it bad that first week! For at least 3 days straight, all I wanted to do was sleep (I didn’t sleep for 3 days straight though – no worries). But even in the midst of my sleepiness, Daddy God found ways to bring a smile to my face with visits from some of my favorite people during that first week.
During the second week, I just found myself trying to GET MYSELF TOGETHER! I couldn’t hold on to one single emotion for too long. One moment I would found myself happy to be home and feeling amazing from the memories of the DTS, the next moment I’d find myself down in the dumps because I missed it all. But then, I’d be mad at myself for allowing myself to be down instead of filled with joy – like, GET IT TOGETHER!
Then, I found myself DROWNING in sadness, confusion, anger, and joy. My cousin left me hanging for our annual birthday celebration traditions, to go be with Daddy God. I mean, I really couldn’t blame her – she spent our birthday in the best possible place to celebrate, but it hurt.
So here I was, trying to suppress all the emotions, and continue to be this strong Maiya, as always, and it took one mention of the word “birthday” to break me. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a birthday month girl, but this year, I became very silent. I was dealing with enough emotions to try to add excitement to the mix. Remembering my birthday meant remembering that my cousin Herschelle and I would NOT be celebrating together like we literally just talked about. It meant she wouldn’t be there for our birthday dinner tradition at Red Robin. It meant reality would set in. However, on my birthday eve, God blessed me with the best birthday present – a visit from Herschelley!
I woke up on August 23rd with the memory that Herschelley came to see me TWICE in my dreams the night before! This changed the game for me. I was on an “overjoyed” high since, and I thank my Daddy God for that. He topped it off with a wonderful birthday dinner tradition with some of my favorite people. Friends, I literally feel like from August 1st up until the 22nd, I was living in a cloud and there was no sunshine, but my God! Ugh, to never return there, in Jesus name! And now, to prepare for September.
It’s practically here, which means I’ll practically be back in Spain before you know it. September 13th, I have a one-way ticket to Spain, to attend the 3-month Bible Core Course (Sept. 16th to Dec. 2nd) at the YWAM Madrid base I just left in July. To say that I am excited about this course would be an understatement. The round trip ticket will be purchased for December to February – yes, that means I’ll be heading back to Spain in February to join the team of missionaries at the base!
I love how much my God loves me, to pull me out of my own muck (multiple times) and to just hold me. These last few weeks, even in the midst of my pool of emotions, He has continued to speak to me about “remembering” and “the season of new”.
Dealing with my emotions, I also found myself scared and doubting that attending this BCC was going to happen or was even what I was supposed to do, but then my Daddy God would remind me of what He said. He would literally sweep away the distraction/doubt trash and throw it away – every time more came. The way that He has been preparing me this trip, has even been in such a different way than my last trip – reminding me that He makes all things new and does things different than how the world would expect.
My Daddy God continues to blow my mind, and I continue to fall in love with Him, more and more each day. He pulls me away from the distractions of this world, just to come sit with Him. He literally told me to just sit with Him and do nothing, so I did, and I loved it! He’s had me in His word, playing the guitar, going for walks, singing songs to Him, and listening to a song He has been singing to me. I’m in love!
I will go wherever He sends me, I will do whatever He needs me to do. I will say whatever He tells me to say, because I trust Him with all of my life.
Here’s to year 30…
‘Jesus, when He began His ministry, was about thirty years of age…’ [Luke 3: 23]
‘David was thirty years old when he began to reign…’ [2 Samuel 5: 4]
I am a missionary friends, and I love calling myself that!
Stay tuned for more updates to follow…